14, January 2013, By Gretchen Rubin
How do I respond to an outer rule? A traffic sign, a “request” from a spouse, a work deadline, a doctor’s order, an appointment with a trainer, social protocol?
How do I respond to an inner rule? A New Year’s resolution; a decision to exercise more; work on a self-generated project (writing a novel, planting a garden).
With that in mind, consider whether any of these types rings a bell:
Upholder—accepts rules, whether from outside or inside. An upholder meets deadlines, follows doctor’s order, keeps a New Year’s resolution. I am an Upholder, 100%.
Questioner—questions rules and accepts them only if sensible. They may choose to follow rules, or not, according to their judgment. (Self-generated rules have special validity.)
Rebel—flouts rules, from outside or inside. They resist control. Give a rebel a rule, and the rebel will want to do the very opposite thing.
Obliger—accepts outside rules, but doesn’t like to adopt self-imposed rules.
Some examples:
An upholder stops at a stop sign at 3:00 a.m. in a small deserted town; so does an obliger. A questioner decides whether it’s safe to stop. A rebel rolls through the stop sign at 3:00 p.m. in traffic.
An upholder can train with a trainer or exercise on her own; a questioner can do either if he thinks it makes sense; a rebel will do neither, because the fact that she has an appointment makes her want to disobey; an obliger can meet a trainer, but can’t get to the gym on his own.
Of course, this is about tendency. There’s a continuum, and no one accepts or resists all rules, and some people don’t fit easily into one of the four types. Do you recognize yourself? How does this show upf?
Each type has pros and cons.
I’ve just started thinking about this so welcome any thoughts, experiences, additions.
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